For dada2 it is always necessary to trim the primers, see here for more info.
It is all fairly subjective, based on your expectations and requirements. In general, filtering at the "filter" step is okay as long as you are getting a reasonable number of reads out the other end, but losing reads at the "merge" step is bad news, as this will bias the taxonomic composition of your samples (since shorter amplicons will be selectively excluded). See this post for a little "guide" I put together as a rule of thumb for interpreting read loss with dada2: